Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Back to that divine free-time.

It's a very mature thing to recognize your inability to change people. I cannot emphasize it enough in my own life. I find myself trying so hard to help or fix people even by the "right methods" though I know that God makes the biggest impressions on their mind. First, I tried to learn what God wants me to do; the way He wants me to work with people, and then tried to carry that out myself -independent of Him. But He wants me to just hold His hand continually, and He will give me pointers as I put one foot in front of the other. So now I will not live in self confidence (though some say it's good), but I will live in the confidence of being present with God all the time.

Priorities

I had an interesting experience the other day. I started out the work day thoroughly depressed. I had so much cognitive dissonance that I couldn’t work. I had no energy though I had gotten plenty of sleep. Something didn't go right and I threw a tantrum, just tossing everything aside and sitting in a heap crying and praying. My brother (and boss) showed up at the work site and found out that things weren’t going so hot and talked with me about it –big thanks if you read this, bro. After sorting things out I felt much better. It seemed that once the depression lifted and clear thinking was engaged, everything else got so much better and brighter. I was no longer tired, though I worked ‘till close to sunset. Even as I started writing this at 10 pm that night I felt awake and mentally vigorous. Labor was not only tolerable, but enjoyable, and I made decisions with ease and forgave myself easily for mistakes.
Part of what my brother and I talked about that day was the importance of priorities. We needed to be doing what was best for ourselves. We needed to be doing the best things whether other people approved or not. What I thought of in the midst of that conversation is that if I gain the world, but lose my soul, it’s worthless. My life is not a whole lot economically different when I put my heart-healthiness up as a first priority; circumstances may be the same. But my viewpoint and focus changes. I have more energy because I’m drawing from an inward strength and joy and peace that could come from no other than a working experience with God’s presence.